Let's see......

I haven't updated in so long, I'm not even sure where to start...

I'm currently 30wks3ds pregnant, and I honestly cannot believe it. I'm not entirely sure where the time has gone. One minute I was finding out I'm pregnant, and the next, it's almost time for her to be here. 

I started weekly non-stress tests (or NST's) at 27 weeks. What happens with those is, I go in and they do a sonogram first where they check her size, the fluid level, and then they want her to do several things. I can't remember them all, but they're things like, she has to make 2-3 BIG movements, and then the big one is practicing moving her diaphragm. They need to see it move at least 4-5 times. When we first started the NST's it took for.ev.er. for her to move her diaphragm. Ugh. But I was reassured over and over that it was not uncommon for babies at that gestational age to not move it very much. When I went in yesterday, the sonogram was over in about 5 minutes. She made her movements, the fluid levels were good, her size was right on track, and she moved that little diaphragm like nobody's business. BUT THEN it was time to get hooked up to the monitor to watch her heart rate. Now, I've known this for weeks. She HATES, and I do mean that, when things are on my belly. If I lean up against something, or poke my belly, or rest my hands on my belly, she kicks and punches and moves around until whatever it is has moved. So, needless to say, she hated the monitor being on me. The nurse finally had to just stand there for 20 minutes and move the monitor around every few minutes because she kept wiggling away from it. Then after I'm on the monitor for what seems like forever but is only about 40 minutes, I see the doctor. This week the doctor told me that for a complicated pregnancy, mine is just not that complicated. So far, she's not measuring too big and she's doing what she's supposed to be doing at all of these appointments. So now we're just praying that she continues to not get too big and that when she's born she can maintain her blood sugar so that she doesn't have to go to the NICU at all. 

Last week (the week before Easter), my mom and I traveled to Kansas to see Mary and Chris because Elizabeth and the boys were there, too. That was too much fun. Nathan is so excited about his cousin and we poked around on my belly until she finally kicked him. He thought that was so cool. But I'm not sure he understands that it's an actual person growing inside of me. I guess we'll see what he thinks when she's finally here. He knows what babies are, and that babies grow inside their mommies stomach, but I'm not sure he's connected the two yet. It may also be hard for him to process seeing as it's been so long since I've seen him and I STILL don't have the baby yet. I'm not sure my 4 year old mind would have understood that either. But the whole week with them was so much fun. I did swell a lot while I was there though. That wasn't fun. But after a week at home, my feet finally look almost normal again. 

I've still be going to work 3 days a week like normal, but suddenly this week I wasn't sure how much longer I could work. I let my boss know and she said she knew it was coming soon, she could tell I was getting more and more uncomfortable. Aside from the swelling in my feet, on Monday there was a sharp pain right below my bellybutton that really scared me. Since I had an appointment on Thursday anyway, I waited until then to talk to my doctor about it. It didn't feel like a contraction or a Braxton Hicks contraction, it felt more like a pulled muscle or internal bruise. When I described it to the doctor she said it sounded more like the muscle pulling apart, which is normal at this point in pregnancy. I asked if there was anything to help with the pain (because seriously. It was bad. It hurt to do anything other than stand completely still) and she said, "Tylenol." I asked if a maternity belt would help and she said it might help to take the pressure off the muscle and that might ease the pain, but she couldn't guarantee it. I decided since the baby is so low and it's really painful anyway, to go ahead and try one on. It definitely helped with the belly pain, but it also helped with the lower back pain I didn't even realize I had until I had the belt on. Then as I started walking around with it on, I realized that it made me walk better. The waddle I had going on had stopped. Apparently, carrying her so low was putting more pressure on my lower half than I thought. She hates it, obviously, but my legs and back feel way better, so she's just going to have to get over it. 

My doctor also wants next week to be my last week of work. Since I'm having to drive 40 minutes to work, and 40 minutes home, she wasn't comfortable with that. She didn't want me sitting for that long to drive. I was more than happy with that decision. She also said that at about 34 weeks I'll be started twice weekly visits, so that wouldn't be okay with my work. And honestly, I can't work as quickly as normal, and it's not fair to them to pay me to do half the work that needs to be done in a day. And I would really like to get to rest and get the house in order before I'm so tired and uncomfortable that I can't do it anymore...and I'm getting close to that. There's a lot that needs to be done around the house this weekend, but I told Derek that since next week was my last week of work, I was just going to take it easy and rest this weekend, and then after I'm done with work, I can get the house cleaned up. His first response to that was, "Well, don't over do it. You need to be resting, too." I told him that was why I was going to wait until I'm done with work, so that I don't have to push myself too hard trying to get it all done in a couple of days on the weekend. He was very happy with that. 

Baby Girl's room is almost ready. We still have an armior that needs to be moved into the living room and then I can get the room set up how I want it. I just got the nursery bedding set that I registered for from my mom and sisters, and that came with wall decals, so I'm excited to get those up on the walls. I also need to paint the letters I got for her wall, but I don't have any newspaper so I'm not sure where or how I'm going to get those painted. I wanted to do it today, but I was too tired to figure something out. Oh, well. 

As of right now with everything going as well as it is, baby will be induced on May 29th. That's just a tentative date, nothing set in stone yet, but it made it very real to hear an actual date. So I only have a little less than 8 weeks before she's here. It's still all very surreal.

Baby Girl Dickerson Update.

Well, it's been a few weeks so I thought I would update on how things are going so far.

I will be 24 weeks on Tuesday and I feel like time has now slowed down. Of course. Since it was flying by, now it's come to a screeching halt. Even when I think about the fact that I only have 14 (or less) weeks left, it's still crawling by. 

My boss keeps asking if I'm completely ready for her to be here. I don't see how that's possible since I haven't had any showers yet, but I guess it's just something for her to ask. She keeps asking about the nursery, which has a crib and a changing table (that I've had for 3 years because I bought it from a friend for $30 and is piled high with things we've been storing in that room for the last 3 years), but other than that, it's not ready. There's still things that need to be cleaned out (that can't be until the garage is cleaned out so I have a place to put these things) and furniture that I have to find another place for somewhere in the house. I'm only panicking a little bit. 

If my house were about 200sq ft. bigger I could think I could handle this. But at just over 1,000sq ft. my house is already starting to get a lot smaller than it already was, and there's nothing for the baby in the house except the crib (which is still missing a mattress, BTW). But I'm not really planning on having very much in the way of big things (like pack-n-plays, exersaucer, swing, etc..). We got a free pack-n-play that went to my in-laws so there's a place to put her down while we're there (and it has a changing table attachment, so that's helpful) and my older sister said that I can borrow her exercaucer, and that can be stored in the garage until she's big enough for it. My mother-in-law wants to buy us a really nice swing, so I'm not going to say no to that. I figure by the time she's big enough for the exersaucer, she'll be too big for the swing, so we can trade them out and store the swing. But other than that, nothing that will take up much room or can't be stored in her closet. Thankfully, as small as this house is, the bedroom closets are big. 

We finally finished registering today. We decided to do an Amazon registry since we have a lot of friends and family that live out of town (and Amazon can be pretty cheap when it comes to most things [and so many people do Amazon Prime]) and Target. I've heard some not so great things about Target registries and their return policies, so if we get double of anything, Amazon's return policy is amazing and easy, so we'll just return it to Amazon instead. And the closest Babies-R-Us is in Lewisville, and most of the people buying stuff for us will be in the Sanger/Denton/(maybe)Gainesville area, so Target is easier to get to. That, and it's only down the street from us, not down the highway and across the bridge (yuck). And after looking at our Walmart baby selection...it's just gross. I'm sure it's fine in other peoples stores, but ours is just nasty and small. There's another Walmart across town, but it's always so busy. And I'm too tired to deal with people being in my way. HA! The Target baby section was pretty empty today. 

I haven't bought Baby Girl much, but there's a few things I couldn't pass up. There were some onesies at Target that I had to have and didn't want to miss getting them, so I bought them when they were on sale. I've bought a few handband bows, too. But mostly it's just been clothes, and it hasn't been much. Some I got right after Christmas for super cheap that will fit her next winter (hopefully) and some Christmas onesies and sleepers that were marked way down. 

We also got the car seat and stroller already. I had narrowed it down to two different travel systems, but had chosen one over the other due to price. We had a coupon for a store in Frisco that we could get the travel system, so we had plans to get it over Spring Break. Then I mentioned the other travel system to my older sister and one day a couple of weeks ago she calls and says that she can get an extra 20% off the too expensive travel system using her Amazon Prime+Amazon Mom, but I had to decide that day because the sale was ending that day. Amazon already had the travel system marked down 20% (as per usual with Amazon), so basically I was getting 40% off of it. So I told her to do it. I didn't even wait to ask Derek, I didn't care what he had to say. I got a $400 car seat/stroller system for $255. The stroller alone at Target is $219. YEAH. I win with that one. Unfortunately, I was going to be changed $20 in tax if she had it shipped to me, and no tax if it was shipped to her. So it's in Colorado at the moment. We're all headed to Kansas next month, so she's going to bring it to me then. I can't wait. I hadn't actually seen the stroller in person, so I messed with it at Target today. It's really light (which a friend who has one told me, and changed my mind about which travel system I wanted and ultimately made my mind up) which is awesome. Getting it in and out of the trunk of the Civic should be pretty easy. 

Other than that, Baby Girl is doing good. She's been kicking away at my bladder for the last few weeks, and that's about the only place she likes to kick and punch. Sometimes I'll feel her higher up, but for the most part, she's still facing downwards like she was during the 20 week ultrasound. I'm okay with that. Hopefully she'll stay head-down the whole time and I won't have to have a c-section. I've been going to the doctor every 4 weeks since my first visit and I've had 4 ultrasounds so far. At my last appointment (at 22 weeks) she told me she wants me to have another ultrasound at 28 weeks, so I have an appointment with her next week at 25 weeks, then I'll have the ultrasound at 28 weeks and then after that I'll start my weekly visits. I knew that was different from everyone else since I'm high risk, but I really had no idea how often other people went to the doctor until I got on a forum this week. Apparently, most women don't go every 4 weeks until right about now and don't start weekly visits until around 36 weeks. HA! I'll be close to giving birth by 36 weeks. Sometimes, and this is really rare, it pays off to be diabetic. My family (sisters and cousin) have had such a hard time getting and staying pregnant, that if I didn't get to hear her heartbeat every 4 weeks, I don't think I could make it. It's making it easier, now that I can feel her, to stay calm in between appointments, but it's still nerve wracking. I won't be 100% comfortable with being pregnant until she's actually here and I can see and hold her. And even then it's hard, but at least no one in my family has lost a baby once it's been born (My grandparents are hanging out with a lot of unborn great-grandbabies in heaven right now). 

Alrighty, this was long, but I think I've covered just about everything that needed be updating tonight.

20 week ultrasound.

Wow. I cannot believe I'm already over 20 weeks. When I first found out I was pregnant and they told me they would send me to a Maternal Fetal Specialist for a special anatomy sonogram at 20 weeks, it seemed so far away and like it would never get here. But now it's come and gone and I can't believe how fast time is flying. I just need the next 18 weeks to keep going by this quickly. 

Since we had to do the sonogram on a week day, Derek didn't want to have to take another day off, so I invited my mom to go with me. She's been dying to go with me to an ultrasound and I sometimes have small panic attacks when I go to new doctors and don't know where to go. And this one was at Children's Medical Center in Plano, so I was already kind of freaking out about it. Derek is a, follow along and never ask questions because that makes us look stupid, kind of person, so if I don't know where I'm going, he's absolutely no help. My mom is the opposite of that, so it was an obvious choice. 

So far, every doctor I've seen during this pregnancy has been awesome and so laid back. My OB is awesome, the women in her office that does the sonograms is so sweet, my endocrinologist has finally grown on me after almost 5 years,  and this new doctor was no different. She wasn't sure if I would have to come back and see her, but I wouldn't mind it if I did. The office was very quiet and the nurses were all really nice. 

I wasn't nervous about the ultrasound until the morning of, and I'm not even sure why I got nervous all of the sudden. She got very active at very certain times of the day starting on Monday the 14th and then on Wednesday and Thursday this week, suddenly, she was extremely still. Both days I tried not to panic, and of course, at the end of every day she would give me one little kick so I could sleep peacefully. I'm not one to overreact, thankfully, and she's been very active the last two days. 

I wasn't really sure what to expect at the this ultrasound, I was just excited to see her again. The sonographer came in first and measured everything. Her head, her legs, her arms, and all internal organs. She checked blood flow through her heart and in the umbilical cord. She checked her brain and made sure everything was where it was supposed to be. She was trying to measure her face, but of course she's my baby and doesn't want her picture taken so she had her face buried in my cervix the whole time. Stubborn little peanut. Gave us a great view of her butt and spine though. But she's growing perfectly. She's in the 68th percentile and measuring at 13ozs, right on track. When the sonographer was done she said the doctor would come in and look at her again, so I should get up and move around to see if I could get her to flip over. I was more than happy to, so I walked around the room and drank a little bit of juice to get her moving. Thankfully when the doctor came in she had turned over so we could actually get a picture of her profile (something we couldn't get at the 16 week gender ultrasound because she was being stubborn then, too) and they could measure her facial bones and make sure everything was in the right place. The doctor tried flipping over to the 4D so we could maybe see what she was starting to look like, but the little bugger had her hands up in front of her face (also something she was doing at 16 weeks) the whole freaking time. It was entertaining and I don't blame her one bit. What little bit we did finally see showed a little girl who looks just like her daddy. 

Overall, the doctor was extremely happy. They were thoroughly happy with my last a1C of 5.2 (which is an overall average blood sugar of 96) and said that my awesome control from day of diagnosis is what is contributing to an extremely healthy baby. I haven't done any research because I just don't want to know, but I think it's pretty normal to have a baby that's already measuring too big at 20 weeks. Baby girl was measuring a couple of days ahead, but that's normal for everyone. We'll see how she does from now on. She should start producing her own insulin in the next few weeks, and that's really when she'll start to grow (since she's having to overproduce insulin to compensate for my lack of insulin production, she'll start growing more quickly than a non-diabetic baby) and I'll have to be even more careful than I already am. This is something that I've been aware of for many years, even before we decided to start trying to have a baby. 

I'm not sure when my next ultrasound will be, but the specialist said she wasn't sure if Dr.Walsh would have me come back to her or not since I'm in such tight control. She said sometimes she'll have people back one or more times just to confirm everything still looks good, but those are usually people who are having trouble. She said Dr.Walsh may choose to just do those tests in her office since I'm not having any complications and don't seem to be heading in that direction. Hopefully I don't have to go back to her, even though she was so great. 

It's a GIRL!!

I guess it's time I update, huh? I'm not even sure how many people read this, but since my memory is getting so bad right now, I still feel the need to update in case I forget anything down the road.

I'm feeling a TON better already, but I'm still pretty tired and get tired really easily. Some energy has returned, but not so much that it's like it was before I got pregnant. And as long as I don't get too hungry or too sleepy, then I'm not nauseous. So that has been a blessing. I'm not having any food cravings, per say, but I'm having way less food aversions. I will never figure out how my sister could eat for 4 people when she was pregnant, but my appetite is definitely increasing some. Sometimes it's hard to eat more because I'm also having to watch my blood sugar, and some days my blood sugar does NOT like me eating. And right now my blood sugar is more important than eating more food. I'm eating 3 meals a day, and usually a snack before bed. That's an extra meal a day and an extra snack, so I'm pretty sure I'll be alright.

Last week we got to find out the gender of our little miracle. And it's a girl! At this point, I'm still a little disappointed. I know that this will change with time, so don't give me a hard time about it. I've never thought of having a girl. I'm 100% tom boy, and I don't seem to be growing out of it. I've never, never,  been a girly girl. When given the choice between ballet and softball, I chose softball. I own 3 pairs of men's cargo shorts because I cannot stand short shorts and that seems to be all anyone is selling anymore. 99% of the shirts I own are tshirts because I cannot stand anything tight around my belly. I know God will give me the tools to raise a girl, but at this point, I'm not really sure if I can do it. I really thought it was a boy. I was so shocked when she came up on the screen and we could see she was a girl. I've bought some girl clothes to try and help, and it has some. It'll just take a little while to get used to. I'm also not a fan of pink, and I know that with having a girl it means everything everyone will buy us will be pink. I put it on Facebook so hopefully some people won't buy us pink. If she grows up and pink is her favorite color, she can have pink. But until she can make that decision, the colors will be a sage green and a light yellow. I've always loved these two colors together, they were my wedding colors, and they work really well for a baby girl. I won't be dressing her like a boy by any means, but if I can put her in as little pink as possible, my world will be much happier.

Right now, we're keeping her name off the internet, just in case we change our minds. Her name comes from a great aunt of mine and Derek's grandmother, so it means something to both of us. I don't see it changing, but you never know. And I would like to keep at least one thing this special just within the family for the time being.

Updating before I fall asleep...HA!

As of today, I am officially 11 weeks! This sonogram is from last week though. I still don't think it has completely sunk in yet. I'm still sick enough that there's no way I can forget I'm pregnant, but it still doesn't feel real yet. I'm not sure that it will until I'm actually holding the baby in my arms and no one can take it way from me because it's mine. Which sounds selfish, but I have a lot of family members. And I've waited my turn. When it takes them 4 years from the time they start trying to have a baby until the day they finally get to hold their baby, they can be as selfish as they want. I won't say a word.

I'm feeling off and on okay. Some days are worse than others. Evenings are when I feel the worse, usually, but only on days I've felt okay. I don't start out sick and then get better, or feel good in the mornings, sick in the afternoons and good in the evenings. If I get sick during the day, I stay sick all day. I felt okay today, but then I had to run to Target to get some prescriptions and a 3ft tree (because I really don't feel like putting up the big tree this year) and it took longer than I thought it would. When the guy said my newly called in prescription would be ready in 5 minutes, what he really meant was 30 minutes. And it's hard for me to stand up for too long. So I started feeling bad then and haven't felt good since. My doctor did prescribe a nighttime nausea medicine to help me sleep and feel better, so I waited to take that instead of taking Zofran before dinner like I really wanted to.

Derek has been really awesome. He can be selfish about things sometimes so I was kind of worried, but so far he hasn't been. Tonight he told me he didn't want to do the dishes (his job in the house) he's been complaining because I haven't been folding clothes (one of my jobs in the house) so I made a deal with him. I would do the dishes if he would fold a basket and a half of laundry (yes, I have lots of laundry baskets, don't judge me. I really hate folding). He happily agreed to it. Chores around the house have been the source of many fights for us. In his mind, we have our jobs and that's that. There's no changing it, there's no trading and there's certainly no helping each other. But I think I changed his mind tonight. He's tired of doing the dishes. We've been eating at home A LOT since finding out we're pregnant, so there's a lot more dishes to do. I've also stopped drinking soda, so I use a cup a day now. There's a lot of dishes to do, and I don't mind helping him. But since he just doesn't want to do it, I'm not going to just do it for him. There has to be trade. And since I absolutely hate folding laundry, it was a fair trade. I don't mind digging my clothes out of a laundry basket...he does. I've already told him of a few chores I'm going to eventually be unable to do (like get the clothes out of the dryer...our dryer is in an awkward spot. Once I get bigger I'm not going to be able to bend over to get everything out) and I'm going to need his help. I think he might actually be excited because he simply said "alright" and didn't ask what I was going to do for him.


Speaking of him being excited, watching him watch the sonograms is the best thing ever. It's hard to tear my eyes away from the screen, but last week I finally looked at him. Pure joy. Derek is one of those guys that doesn't really care about other peoples kids and babies. At one point during this journey he expressed to me that he was worried about being a dad because of this. I told him it would be different when it was our kid. I'm glad to see that it's happening before the baby is born. Derek also has very little emotions. But when we heard the heartbeat last week I heard him whisper "Oh my gosh." We did hear the heartbeat at 7 weeks, but it was much stronger and faster this time.

Our sonogram appointment had to be separate from our doctors appointment this week because my doctor I guess had a delivery and wasn't in the office that afternoon. But we had taken the day/afternoon off for that appointment, so we went ahead with the sonogram and I went back to the doctor by myself on Friday. He didn't need to be there for that anyway, so I was okay with going by myself. I got to hear the heartbeat again with the doppler and they did lots of blood work. They called today to change my thyroid medication so I'm hoping once I start on the higher dose, maybe I'll start to get some of my energy back. I know it'll stop my heart from racing. I'm still waiting to get some other results back to see if I have a blood clotting disorder that most women in my family have. My mom has it and Elizabeth has it, but Mary was just tested for it and doesn't have it, so we're praying that I don't either. She's treating me right now as if I have it, but if I do have it, I may have to start taking blood thinning shots soon. Elizabeth had to take them with Aaron and they did not look fun. I'm used to shots, but these way more painful than insulin shots.

My blood sugars are doing good. I see my endocrinologist next Monday so we'll see what all they want to change then. I've only had a few over 200 numbers in the last 4 weeks, so that's awesome. Sometimes it goes a little higher than I would like it to, but it's nothing dangerous, so I'm not worried about it. I'm hoping to hit that time when my sugars start coming down soon. I've had more lows lately, but nothing like what I've heard of from other diabetics. But I've never been one to have numbers like everyone else does, so it wouldn't surprise me if I never get the lows.

Okay, my sleepy medication is kicking in. Hopefully I covered most of everything that has been going on. I have another appointment in 3 weeks, but it's not a sonogram appointment. She said the doctor may want to do one once I get there, but as of now, we're not scheduled for one. So I may not get to see my baby again until after Christmas when we find out if it's a boy or a girl. Oh, and I totally think it's a boy. I'm usually right about these things, but I won't be surprised if we find out it's a girl. Since I've always wanted a boy and think it's a boy, it'll be a girl. That's how things around here usually go. Oh well.

Some huge HUGE news!!!

I'M PREGNANT!!! Holy cow. I've known for a week and it still hasn't completely sunk in all the way yet. Mainly because I'm still in the area for miscarriage, so I'm trying not to get too excited just yet. I honestly didn't think I was pregnant. I bought a pregnancy test to jump start my period since I was 11 days late (not unusual for me every now and then).

According to the doctor, I'm 7 weeks 1 day, but the baby is only measuring 6 weeks 5 days because I more than likely ovulated late (Duh. I could have told them that without the sonogram). We got to see and hear the heartbeat yesterday morning. It was so surreal. I still wasn't sure that there was actually a baby in there until it popped up on the screen, but there was my little turtle in all its glory.

I went to my endocrinologist last Friday and they were more than excited for me. My a1C went up a little bit, but nothing we needed to worry about. They didn't even really change much...but I had just had to change all my settings because my sugars were running so high. Other than that, I'm feeling really gross and sick. The OB gave me a prescription for Zofran so that I can continue to function at work and today is the first day that I've been able to work a whole day without almost throwing up at some point or another in over a week. I'm exhausted and pretty much just want to sleep all day, but then that makes me feel even grosser, so, whatever.

We're not officially announcing the pregnancy just yet because there is still the chance for a miscarriage. So now we're just asking everyone to pray for a happy, healthy baby that I'm able to carry to term. I'm not sure I can take much more grieving after all I've been through with this journey.

I cannot express my thanks enough for those that have been praying for us for so long now. I know that God gave us this baby because of all the prayers. I don't know why He would answer a prayer like this just to take it away, but I also don't understand why it took so long to get pregnant in the first place, so there's no sense in NOT asking for more prayers now.

Again, thank you everyone. I will be sure to update as much as I can. My next appointment is in 3 weeks, and I'll get to see the baby again so there will be more pictures, I promise :)

Finally an update....

I'm not doing so well today. My "best friend's" (I use that term extremely loosely. I haven't talked to him in over a year) wife had a baby today. I feel terrible, and it's not against little Miss. Olivia AT ALL, but I just don't care. I don't want to hear about it. For some reason my sisters don't seem to understand that. Because, of course, he's still communicating with them, they all keep getting pictures from him of her and they're forwarding them on to me. I told my mom today that I felt horrible, but I just didn't care. She understood. She only told me so that I would know.

I just feel like crying. 3 years now. 3 whole freaking years and I still don't have a baby. I should be pregnant with my second by this point in time. And I still have zero babies. And it's just not fair. People like freaking Snooki can have children and I can't? I can't stand it. It makes me angry. I don't have any other words then that. Anger.

I keep thinking that I'm okay with not having children, but I'm not. Derek and I had a big fight a couple of weeks ago about money. We can't afford to save for an adoption right now. There is no money to save. Maybe one day we can adopt, but it's not going to be anytime soon. And I'm obviously not getting pregnant on my own, so children are not in our near future. And it's heart breaking.