Saturday, May 26, 2012

OH HEY.

Totally forgot that I had a birthday this week. I turned 28 on Thursday. It was nothing special; I worked all day and then came home to Derek and we went out to eat and then to a movie. We were trying to get to the 6:30 showing of The Avengers at the Cinemark, but we missed it by 10 minutes. But it was okay because there was another showing at 7:10. Derek suggested looking up times at the Rave, since they have cheaper movies right now, but then he didn't want to drive there (of course). So we sat in the car for a little bit, but then really had to go to the bathroom, so we decided to just go in and let them pay for our air conditioning. When we walked up and told the guy what movie and what time, he glanced back up at us, and then said, "That'll be $13." Derek was a little confused, but paid him. I looked up at the board to see what the prices after 6pm were. $8.50 for adults. Hmm....with the $3 3D surcharge, that would equal $23. So we go inside and there's this big sign that says "$3.50 College Thursdays with a valid UNT or TWU ID badge." I turned to Derek and told him the guy only charged us the $3.50. We high-fived for not looking 28 and 29 years old.

Best birthday present EVER.

Captain America

I've talked about my love for photography and posted pictures before, but I must say, last week was my favorite of all time. I'll give you a little back story to the pictures...

Nathan is now 3 1/2 and is really, really smart. Before coming to Texas last week, he was Superman. The only time he didn't have a "cape" (aka; his blankies) tied around his neck was when he was in the bathtub, in the bed, or at church. He knows all about the Justice League and all their names. He must always sleep with a toy in his bed, and this was usually his Superman action figure, or his tiny Batman action figure. When they got here 2 weeks ago I was talking about the Avenger movies with my brother-in-law and he asked if I owned any of them. I had just bought Iron Man 1 & 2, Thor, and Captain America a few weeks ago, so he asked if I could bring them over so he and Elizabeth could catch up on them before they saw The Avengers on their anniversary. Now, Captain America has a really scary bad guy in it. I had warned them about this, so the first thing we watched was Thor. I figured Nathan could sit through and understand most of it (we watched Superman 3 at Christmas, his choice. So. Boring) and he did pretty well. He didn't watch the whole thing at once, but he understood almost all of it with a little explaining. Then, Kent made the decision to let Nathan watch Captain America. He decided to tell Nathan that the bad guy was just wearing a red mask, and we spread the word not to tell him differently. He did really well with that one, too. It was a little hard to understand how Steve Rogers was a little guy and then a big guy at first, but he apparently heard a word somewhere that he understood and all was understood after that. We went to my Grandma's the first weekend they were here and she doesn't have any new toys that a 3 year old boy would want to play with. So, Kent and I went to WalMart that night and Kent got him a Captain America action figure. He had been asking for a shield for days, but we decided that the action figure was safer in my Grandma's house, and the Captain came with a little shield. He. Loved. It. He slept with it for days, flew him around, told everyone about him, it was awesome. Mary heard about his want for a shield, so when she came to help babysit while Kent and Elizabeth went out for their anniversary, she brought him a shield. Happiest. Kid. Ever.

The next day we were outside playing and he kept handing me the shield and telling me when he didn't have the shield, he was Steve Rogers. Then when I needed Captain America, he would run over, grab the shield, and would become Captain America. As we're outside playing, my mom comes out and asks if I brought my camera, which I had. She said she wanted some candid photos of him for a family wall she's trying to get together in the living room downstairs. So, I got my camera. At first he kept trying to say "CHEESE!" and I told him Grandmom just wanted some pictures of him playing, so to just keep playing and I would get some pictures.












 Then I had this brilliant idea. I've posed him before (for his 2 year old pictures. It was the only way to get him to stand still for the pictures), why couldn't I do it again? He's so smart and does whatever you tell him to do. And he had the shield in his hand the whole time. So, this is what came next...





I made him hold the shield up and look up in the tree like he saw something. PURE MAGIC.  I wish I had enough money to get him a Thor hammer and other Avenger toys and masks to take a whole set of Avenger photos. He asked for a cape the other day when he had his Superman shirt on so I asked if he was Superman again. He gave me a funny look and said (I kid you not), "No. I'm Thor" (which he pronounces For). I love that kid.

I also took a few of Baby Brother, but he was filthy, had a food in his hair, and like his mom pointed out, wearing turtles on his shirt. Whatever, he's still really cute.



He doesn't sit as still as his big brother, so these are the only two that I got that are worth anything. The rest of them are blurry or of the back of his head. They're coming back on Wednesday and will be here all day Thursday before heading back to Colorado on Friday, so hopefully on Thursday we can get more. I'm taking the day off to spend it with them and let Elizabeth know I would be available to take more and she was excited. So hopefully next week I'll have more of Aaron and all his cuteness.

PMS

So sometimes my PMS symptoms, unfortunately, include mood swings. And hot flashes lately. I kept snapping at Derek yesterday and in my head I knew I shouldn't be snapping at him, but I couldn't stop it. These horrible, mean words were flying out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them. When we were on the way to the grocery store yesterday at 4pm (made me mad because we were both off yesterday, we could have gone much earlier) so I warned him that it would probably be busy since people were starting to get off work and it was a holiday weekend. Apparently my tone wasn't the best because he asked why I was so snippy with him. I told I wasn't trying to be then, but that I was earlier because it was PMS, which meant my period was coming, which meant I wasn't pregnant again. I told him I was sorry, but he was just going to have to put up with me saying horrible things for the next couple of days.

We've apparently been at this long enough because he shut his mouth after that. When we got married 6 years ago, or heck, even last year, I would have just had to stop talking over the next couple of days because it wasn't fair that I was that mean to him. Now he just takes it, or walks away. It's nice that he's stopped taking it so personally. I explained to him a few months ago that sometimes I have no control over what I'm saying, and that I know I shouldn't be saying those things, but that I can't stop them. I've also started apologizing, before the fact and after, and that has helped a ton.

I feel like over the last few months as I've begun the grieving process, we've grown closer together. We laugh a lot. We joke around, we make fun of each other. We have fun. But when something becomes too much, he's there for me. This is so very unlike him. He usually shuts down and shuts me out when I start talking about this stuff. I don't know if it's the prayer for him, or if he read something, or if he finally realized just how hard this is on me, but it's nice. It's what I've needed all along and didn't have.

So now I'm just waiting for the period. All the signs point to me starting on Monday, unless I'm early or late. I didn't test for ovulation days this month (mainly because I forgot to) so I don't know what day I actually ovulated. But I have an app on my phone that has been spot on the last 3 months, so I just trusted that and what my body was telling me. So, we'll see.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Sickness.

Starting with my oldest sister arriving from Colorado over a week ago with Strep, there have been several people in my family sick over the last week, including me. My mom got strep last Monday, and then it turned into a sinus infection. My younger sister's husband got sick and also has a sinus infection. I wasn't really feeling bad, and only had a stopped-upped nose in the morning and night, but felt fine otherwise throughout the day. BUT, with everyone else being sick, and feeling pretty terrible and starting to cough pretty bad over the weekend, I decided to go to the doctor today. I have a sinus infection, too. Did you know that they're contagious? We had no idea, but they are.

Since I'm trying to get pregnant she did a pregnancy test before she prescribed me anything. It was negative, but my period isn't due for another week, so I'm not so sure that it was the truth. But I'm starting to have my normal week-before-my-period PMS symptoms, so it's probably true. I'm okay with this. It's not the easiest thing, but it's not the hardest thing either. I haven't lost any children. That would be way worse.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

New Information.

Often my mom will call me with things that I can do to get pregnant. Usually I've already heard of them and/or have tried them. I'm not sure if she sits around and talks about me not being able to get pregnant or what, but it's usually something someone has told her helped them get pregnant.

Now, I've already read all about how infertility is at an all time high, and the experts have found that this is due to our nutrition. We don't eat like they did in the 50s or 60s. It's a lot of processed food and fast food and we're not getting the vitamins we need in the foods we eat. Taking a supplement isn't always the same as eating it in good foods. So when I couldn't get pregnant about a year ago, Derek and I cut out a lot of things from our diet. We tried adding in more things, but didn't really know what to add. So, my mom calls me the other night and says that their new church secretary's daughter tried for two years to get pregnant and tried everything. So she did some research and found that one serving of full fat diary products like ice cream and whole milk help with ovulation. So she started eating a bowl of ice cream a day and got pregnant. Two years after that, started eating a bowl of ice cream a day and got pregnant again.

I did some research and found out this is true, along with adding other things to your diet, including an iron supplement and a calcium supplement. I already had Derek on an iron supplement because that's supposed to help his guys swim stronger. So I promptly went to the store and got some whole milk and supplements. At this point, It can't hurt to try. Drinking a glass of milk and taking more vitamins a day isn't going to do anything but improve my overall health. And considering the problem is that I dot ovulate correctly, and these things are supposed to help with ovulation, it might just actually work this month. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'm still praying hard.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Progress.

Last week was so terrible. It was the first time I've allowed myself to really feel any emotion other than anger about not being able to get pregnant. I was hurt, I was crushed, I was let down, but most of all I was devastated. I cried really hard for about 30 minutes. Just bawling. I prayed out loud. The dogs didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to do. I was all alone and it was horrible. So I asked for prayers on Facebook, grabbed some Puffs Plus, turned on Captain America and laid on the couch for another hour. A friend was coming over for me to cut their hair, and I didn't want them having to deal with all that (even though they know exactly what's going on). Later I asked if they could tell, and they said no, they had no clue. I looked happy and peaceful. I slept really good that night, but all the crying made my throat hurt for a couple of days. When Derek got home I told him. And I talked to him about how I need for him to care just a little bit. He's been like this since I met him 11 years ago, but I thought surely after almost 3 years of trying, he would be a little more supportive.

His dad called the other day. His birthday is on Monday, so I assumed we would be going to his parents on Sunday for his birthday celebration. Without even talking to me about it, he tells his dad that we'll there on Mother's Day and we'll just go out for both his birthday and Mother's Day on the 13th. I was furious. I haven't gotten to spend Mother's Day with my mom since we've been married. Mother's Day normally falls on the same weekend as his birthday, so obviously we go out with them that weekend. So this year I thought, YAY! I finally get to spend the day with MY mom. NOPE. So when we went grocery shopping the other night we were waiting in the check-out line and there was something about Mother's Day or something, but it was brought up. He was in a good mood so I decided to seize the opportunity. I told him Mother's Day may not be easy for me this year. I didn't want to have to go out to eat to see all of the happy mother's with their children when I'm feeling like this. But now I have to because my in-laws have no clue what's going on. We don't ever talk about it, although his mom sometimes brings it up that she's getting too old and she needs grandkids (she's only 58, so I don't know what she's talking about) but we just smile and laugh it off. So now I have to put on a brave face, and pray I don't start crying at some point during lunch.

Derek and I also started talking about adoption. Like, seriously talking about it. This is my last round of Clomid and if it doesn't work, which I don't think it will, then we'll move into seriously researching it and saving. He's apparently looked into it some because he said he could probably get a discount with a lawyer since he's a teacher. I've always thought I would adopt at some point in my life, so I'm completely okay with it. Yes, I would love to be able to have one of my own, obviously, but if this is the way God sees it happening, then I can't argue with that. He gave me a peace about it last week.