PMS

So sometimes my PMS symptoms, unfortunately, include mood swings. And hot flashes lately. I kept snapping at Derek yesterday and in my head I knew I shouldn't be snapping at him, but I couldn't stop it. These horrible, mean words were flying out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them. When we were on the way to the grocery store yesterday at 4pm (made me mad because we were both off yesterday, we could have gone much earlier) so I warned him that it would probably be busy since people were starting to get off work and it was a holiday weekend. Apparently my tone wasn't the best because he asked why I was so snippy with him. I told I wasn't trying to be then, but that I was earlier because it was PMS, which meant my period was coming, which meant I wasn't pregnant again. I told him I was sorry, but he was just going to have to put up with me saying horrible things for the next couple of days.

We've apparently been at this long enough because he shut his mouth after that. When we got married 6 years ago, or heck, even last year, I would have just had to stop talking over the next couple of days because it wasn't fair that I was that mean to him. Now he just takes it, or walks away. It's nice that he's stopped taking it so personally. I explained to him a few months ago that sometimes I have no control over what I'm saying, and that I know I shouldn't be saying those things, but that I can't stop them. I've also started apologizing, before the fact and after, and that has helped a ton.

I feel like over the last few months as I've begun the grieving process, we've grown closer together. We laugh a lot. We joke around, we make fun of each other. We have fun. But when something becomes too much, he's there for me. This is so very unlike him. He usually shuts down and shuts me out when I start talking about this stuff. I don't know if it's the prayer for him, or if he read something, or if he finally realized just how hard this is on me, but it's nice. It's what I've needed all along and didn't have.

So now I'm just waiting for the period. All the signs point to me starting on Monday, unless I'm early or late. I didn't test for ovulation days this month (mainly because I forgot to) so I don't know what day I actually ovulated. But I have an app on my phone that has been spot on the last 3 months, so I just trusted that and what my body was telling me. So, we'll see.