Frustrations

I'm kind of really tired of hearing of other people getting pregnant. Even ones who have had a hard time getting pregnant. I want to be to be happy/excited for them, but I just can't be. And now that I can't take Clomid anymore, the chances of me getting pregnant any time soon are slim to none. It's going to take a miracle. Which, I believe in, wholeheartedly, I'm just pretty sure that my sister is going to have another baby before I do and the other sister is going to up and decide her and her new husband need to start having babies SOON and then I'm back to being brokenhearted again.

I know it sounds like I'm whining, and I am, but at this point I feel like I have the right to whine. 2 and a half years. That's how long we have been trying to have a baby. It's too hard. It really is. Every month my period comes it's like I've lost another child. My older sister (who has 2 kids) has had 2 miscarriages. We were talking a few weeks ago about if it's harder to have miscarriages or just not being able to get pregnant. I decided it's about the same. Either way, you're grieving the loss of life. Even though I have never been pregnant, it's still the loss of life every month that I'm not pregnant. So I almost think that it's harder to be infertile than it is to have multiple miscarriages. At least with miscarriages you know you can get pregnant, and there's usually a fixable reason that you're miscarrying. All of the people I know who have had miscarriages have perfectly healthy children. The people I know who have had problems getting pregnant...it took them years, and lots of money, and lots of doctors appointments to get them children. I don't have the time nor the money for that. And that's extremely frustrating.