I haven't updated in awhile because I really have nothing to say anymore. The things I do have to say is just me whining, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear me whine anymore.
For two whole months I was okay with everything. I had accepted my fate as a childless woman. I was happy for people who were getting pregnant before me. All was well. And then last week, something clicked in me again. I can't handle it. I don't want to hear about it. There's a hole in my chest, in my life, that nothing is filling. I have Jesus; I have a great family; I have friends. But I don't have a child. And that's what will fill that hole and I'm not sure it will ever be filled. And it breaks my heart.
Today was especially hard. Nothing specifically happened, but it was like the world came crashing down around me. If I hadn't been at work I would have cried harder than I've cried in a long time. I teared up a couple of times. It was hard. But Elizabeth sent me a video of Aaron walking around the house and now I just keep watching it over and over because it's the most precious thing I've ever seen.
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