So, whenever I dream about having kids, I usually already have them; they're either babies or toddlers, and once I dreamt about an older child. Two nights ago in my dream, I was actually pregnant. It was kind of an "I didn't know I was pregnant" type of situation. Somebody asked if I was pregnant and I looked down, and lo and behold, I was.
You know how, sometimes, in dreams when you can feel like you're actually having the emotions in real life? Like fear, sadness, or happiness? Say you're having a really bad dream and, even though you're asleep, you can physically feel the fear, even in your sleep. I could physically feel this baby inside me in this dream. It was unreal. I've been carrying this dream around with me the last two days (like I did with the dream about my husband hugging me while holding our newborn) and it's made me sad more than anything. I want that feeling so badly, and I'm truly afraid that I will never have it. So much has medically gone wrong with me in my 27 1/2 years that it wouldn't surprise me if I never had children. It's the one thing I want more anything, and it's the one thing I can't have.
If you told me right now that I could either for sure get pregnant or have a cure for diabetes, but I had to choose one and only one, I would choose the baby, hands down. And that's saying a lot. Because my diabetes is driving me up the wall right now. I want it to die in a fire, soon. But I would live with it for the rest of my life if I meant I could have a child of my own.
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